From the Ashes….

I remember when I started this blog how excited I was. Never did I realize that life would get in the way. When I say get in the way I don’t mean small stuff, I’m talking life shifting changes. Unprepared was an understatement.

I went from being a stay at home mommy to a full time office worker mommy. Gone are the days that I can read a book, cook all of my meals and workout all in the same day. Now I have to chose from one of those options, all the while getting in time with my kids and attempting to check my email daily. It’s an adjustment to say the least, especially for my husband and I. Our role switch has been tough on our relationship and my main priority has been focusing on how to not let our marriage fall apart. Oh, and I sprained my ankle which led me to wearing a very large boot and not even being able to take the stairs at work.

Talk about starting from the bottom.

Honestly, I hadn’t worked out since December, gained about 20 lbs from reduced mobility and sitting on my arse for 10 hours a day, moved out of my house because it was THAT bad at home and had to deal with the stress of learning a new job.  I know that was a very long and poorly written sentence but I think it suites the tiny pity party I just had for myself.

There were a lot of times over the past couple of months where I’ve cried myself to sleep missing my kids, feeling like shit as my jeans began to not fit the way I like and getting frustrated as I’d hit the 10 hour mark at work.

The good thing is that transition is only a small part of life. Already things are getting back into place. My husband and I are strongly working on communication and I’m home again enjoying being driven nuts by my sweet kids. I’ve been able to work around my injury and have started working out again. My job is also going decently well even though I have felt so lost learning the in’s and outs of it all. It feels good to know I help people on a daily basis.

My kale life is back on track, despite being thrown through multiple loops at once. I’m excited to experience my life in a new way. I do believe greater things are ahead and anticipate what I will be sharing with you. Who knows by the end of the year that Drake song may be my anthem.





Unexpected Change

What a week it has been! Here I thought my lifestyle changes were progressing smoothly, little did I know my family would be flipped upside down. This Tuesday we received the news that my husband, the sole provider of our family, had lost his job. This came as a shock to me and I panicked. All of the usual fear based questions streamed through my head like a fast paced assembly line. I tried to be strong, knowing in my heart that this is Gods will, yet the human ego in me scoffed at such a claim. I felt so weak and afraid of what the future would hold.

In a couple of days I was expecting to go to my local MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) group which I love (because who doesn’t love childcare, fellowship and food?) but now I was unsure as to whether or not I would attend. I knew if I went I’d probably break down a little, I wasn’t sure what they would think. Would they judge me or my husband? Would they think we are irresponsible? I only wondered because this very situation has happened to me before, where I reached out to a different community of women and they made me feel ashamed because my husband stepped out in faith to leave a previous job.

Finding a group of women who will love you unconditionally can be really tough. I’ve tried a few times and failed which can make it harder to want to open yourself up. I decided to go anyway because I just needed some support. I decided to trust instead of shy away. This was probably the best decision I could make.

The leaders relayed a question to the group, “what makes you brave?” As fellow moms began speaking words of confidence I felt myself breaking down inside. I felt ANYTHING but brave! As they spoke I could feel the tears warming my eyes, these women are strong and courageous, I don’t belong here. But as I continued to listen I realized something. I realized that bravery is not something you are born with. Bravery is a learned behavior.

Bravery is shaped through the deepest and darkest places in our lives. It is molded in the moments where we have no choice other than to be strong because people are depending on us to do so. That night I heard stories of women living in courage to get them out of unthinkable things. Tears fell as love and admiration flowed through the room. We spoke of our fears, our triumphs and how as mothers and women we can change the world for the better.

It felt so good to be in a room with women of all different ages and lifestyles knowing that there was absolutely no judgement of each other. There was only love, encouragement and a deep desire to help each other if ever one us needed it. I believe God was in that room, showing us what it means to have community. This is what it is all about.

Suddenly my problem seemed so small. Don’t get me wrong, the fear still pops its head up. What I do know is that I can count on my community if I ever need them and someday I will be honored to return the favor. It is such a gift to have people to support you when you feel so broken. Not everyone has that. I will never take it for granted. It is one of the most beautiful things a person can experience and I am so thankful in these moments that I have it.